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i spent a week in cabo with my lovelies, farrah and randi. it was incredible besides me getting sick and losing my plane ticket back. other than that it was perfect.
...im tanned and peeling and its sick. i seemingly have lepresy. ew.
the love of my life is also home. after so long. i dont know what to do about it actually. i want to spend every second with him but i cant, and its frustrating. although i thought all my problems would be gone with his return, i was wrong. but its ok because things dont bring me down half as much now.
i got into lmu, and im going. im so excited i cant contain myself. im losing my best friend to nyu and im already having seperation anxiety eventhough she hasnt even left yet.
oh but i have a few friends who seriously suck at life. it is so disappointing.
pictures soon. i think.
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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
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im not sure what to think right now i am overwhelmed with emotion and although my mother claims it to be of psychsomatic nature, my throat has begun to sting once again, like the time i had to have my throat cut open and sucked out through a cloudy, very dull looking tubular device. indeed, i felt that it had no business inside of me, nor was it good enough to be able to take my insides along with it.
i think ive done something i cant account for. not anything like stealing, although i did confiscate a charcoal gray blazer 2 weekends ago from a target store. whether it belonged to the store, i do not know nor do i care, because i look quite good in it, and it seems to enhance my colorful armoir of dark. dungy garments i have already made a collection of. no no, i speak not of something i have stolen, but of something i thought i could take, and now that i have, cant give back. there is a difference between the two, you see. the first (being the aforementioned blazer) was something i did or did not steal. either way it wasnt necessarily an honest act in nature, but condoned by avital, which nulifies the idea that the entire story was immoral.the second, hurts me much more, because i have hurt a human heart, not only a corporate franchise, which ill regret someday in saying it will never have a heart. it was an honest act, tainted and torn, tarnished. it began to quickly, without any planning, and ended even quicker, without taking into consideration the consequences. it truely was an honest act, turned vile.
before i continue with my babbling, i must admit that i feel quite inadequate. my writing in the engllish language has lost its lacquer, due to my nearly complete time writing in french, 4 hours every thursday, 9-5 monday through friday. this is my modest attempt to regain some american dignity.
anyway, back to my pain. i feel it. that is all.
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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| Time: | 8:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | silver bullet_hh. |
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i love rabbits. this is christians new rabbit Elenore
she reminds me of the rabbit i used to have.
theyre both dwarf rabbits and black like fuzz balls.
i got mine for my 3rd birthday and he died 9 years later.
so im actually obsessed with Elenore, even if i dont know how to spell her name in english.
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Sunday, January 1st, 2006
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i actually don't know what im doing.
so don't ask.
this is the last of me.
i cannot even speak.
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Monday, December 19th, 2005
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i realized
someone is truely amazing if
even though you hate them
you can still admit they are amazing
yes, i admit it.
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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:58 pm. |
| Mood: | fuck you. | | Music: | THERE'S NO HOME FOR YOU HERE_W/S. |
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oh and lets add
...my brother was rushed to the emergency room this morning for an extreme asthma attack
cmon guys im building up my resistance...pile it on
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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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i have not updated in about 5 years, this is true. but i feel that i have some important things to say
the last month has been the hardest month of my life.
my grandfather broke his hip and i spent as much time possible with him in the shopital but he died. he was probably the most amazing man ive ever known
oh and i am a procrastinator and i waited till the last minute to send
in my applications...good times. though i cant blame that on anyone
else, i can say that it was extremely stressful and took a toll on my back.
lets not forget that ive been sick for the past 2 weeks
with fever and a soar throat. luckily its not another absess because
the last time i had one of those, the doctor stuck needles, scissors
and tubes down my throat. most horrific experience of my life.
and now. i am alone. completely alone for the first time in 9 months and i feel that i might vomit. its the worst feeling known to man....especially because i feel its not right and it shouldnt have happen. i am indeed flaming angry.
so now i think ill go catch a few STDs, snort a few pounds of a snow white cocaine and cut myself up.
haha just kidding on that last one! that must be the drugs ive been on for the past 2 weeks for my fever and soar throat.
happy holidays kids!
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Monday, November 14th, 2005
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there comes a time in everyones life when you realize
YOU'RE FRIENDS SUCK AND THEY ARENT WORTH YOUR TIME.
im realizing now that alot of my friends are well...pretty lame.
i've learned to see them as liars, flakes, and downright selfish people that arent worth my time.
no, you're not worth my time. dont contact me please. you guys will figure it out.
i say...fuck you!
im getting new friends.
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Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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this weekend was a perfect one, following an unperfect weekend.
tonight, buck and i peacefully wandered around town determined to find a pumpkin, and we did. together.
 
this is love.
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Saturday, October 8th, 2005
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i don't actually know what to do...
no i don't.
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Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
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i really am quite saddened by some peoples immaturity. ive always had the need to believe in people. ive really always thought that the saying "creature of habit" was a reflection of the lack of faith in mankind that most people have. recently i feel like the hundreds of second chances ive handed out like water in the desert turned out to be like krispy kreme donuts in a police station. you know they will always want more...
i cant take it anymore. it would be nice to regain some faith in peoples ability to be rational, to be caring.
im tired of the rude. im tired of the self absorbed. im tired of the condescending. im tired of the completely irrational and erratic, unreasonable.
im tired
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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:21 am. |
| Music: | he is legend. |
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tomorrow is school and i am so stressed already...at least im not already in school like everyone else
i like lotion. almond scented lotion to be exact. it smells like candy. leg candy to be exact.
my cat is my favorite cat. though bucks cat is mute and arys cat has white eye liner on...my cat just seems to be the coolest. like a muffin in a batch of bagels. but i do like bagels.
i am shoeless.
my eyeball hurts.
i must get off my ass and clean something. but the thought is so dreadful. i dont know exactly how to go about it.
i have all these people id like to see again that ive lost contact ith. id like to see them and give them hugs. maybe we van go to build a bear. but mine will just be a hairy bll because build a bear is expensive...maybe it can be a green hairy ball. give it some umph, you know.
on the brightside of this situation. i have no money to shop. so i wont be wasting money shopping.
vaccum?
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Monday, September 5th, 2005
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i drove around a certain area of Los Angeles today and looked around at all my old friends houses.
i thought of all of the broken homes and REMEMBERED MY FRIENDS and wished that they could be OK now.
...i think of all the secrets behind the doors of every house i see
AND I SHAKE
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Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
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some paintings...
 
and my brothers fururistic painting...
and love
...i miss my boy
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Friday, August 26th, 2005
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hmm...so i got a 2nd degree burn yesterday in malibu all over my back and butt and legs and face and arms....and i cant move at all...sitting in the worse because my butt is more burnt than anything else...and i walk with my legs spread as not to feel the utmost pain...ugh shitty.
but i have my buck boy...so thats good.
i almost crashed my car today when i realized i go back to school in less than 2 weeks. everything will change.
buck will be working full time as soon as i go back to school. ill be moving back into my house and only sleeping at bucks on the weekends. ill see him so much less... less time less fun less sun less outings with my boy...more stress more homework more anxiety more depression...ill die.
and i cant move at the moment...like i said...and i really just want to watch curb your enthusiasm...but i dont have hbo, and its depressing.
send me love
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Saturday, August 13th, 2005
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my friend forever kevin is driving to north carolina to live there. who moves to north carolina? im kinda sad...actually really sad i cant get to know him more than i already do :(
 ...ill see you soon my friend
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Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:04 pm. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. | | Music: | feel good inc.. |
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im back from italy. and im blonde. again :)
i wanna talk to alot of you that ive missed recently...call me
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im in italy right now. 17 days of italians is getting to me i must say.
everything here is really beautiful but all anyone ever does is eat gelato and pizza and drinkwater from this one fountain in the central piazza. its weird. and boring i must add. but im enjoying it nevertheless. i like the wine. its good. the hotel is really nice and actually fun to be in with everyone.
i really like the people here but i havent made a life long connection with any of them...its not too bothersome.
farrah and i have fun. we go to the ebach. shop-eventhough i havent found anything i really like enough to buy. except for these elephant earings that farrah says buck will love. i wonder why she thinks that
anyway i know im not writing this too enthusiastically but i very hungry and actually im not super enthusiastic about the situation anyway. my hour will be up soon so im going to wrap this up
i miss buck and my mom the most out of everyone. i dont know wat im doing ehre wihtout them
buck, you are my love. please wait for me. im dying to come home to you baby. i love you
as for others...i also miss yuo terribly. ary, noah, jesse, mike, nicole, skye, tessa. i really hope your thinking about me because i think about you guys every day.
i love you all...see you soon
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today is july 1st.
i am leaving for italy in a few hours.
ill be back july 31st.
ill miss my love. buck shit fag spencer. i love you with all my heart. i dont know what ill do without you
goodbye everyone
leave me messages on my cell phone
love you
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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
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...and apparently im bad with death. i realized that today. this is probably due to the fact that i have never been confronted with the death of someone i knew before.
today i saw three dead squirrels today. on the same street.
and my uncle also died today. of cancer. apparently im not good with death.
r.i.p Jean-Yves Huyssman
i know 5 things right now
1.im leaving for italy in two and a half days
2.i know i will miss my bf more than ive ever missed anything or anyone in my life
3.im very nervous about forgetting important things that i need to bring with me
4.i have horrible time management and dont think i will get around to half the things i planned for before i leave
5. i am sleep deprived
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dont_ask_me's journal
apathetic.
nostalgic.